What is God to you?

A PRECIOUS JOURNAL

OK….please read this because this is so powerful….and pure truth. This is a journal entry from a girl here at school. She has had an amazingly scarred and difficult past. It has been such a blessing to see her find true love and freedom in that love. Here is a recent journal she shared with us and it was such a blessing to all of us.

Pride, Selfishness, Fear….or God?

I started off as a whole and before I knew it I had a crack, where did this come from? What do I do? I can’t let anyone see this. I have to fix it, cover it up, do something.

It’s getting bigger and bigger. I can’t let this break in two, should I cry for help? No…..two pieces became four, four became eight, and eight became sixteen….what’s happening? This isn’t supposed to happen. How do I put myself back together? The pieces won’t stick it hurts. I’m suppose to be strong…I’m supposed to be able to put myself back together, am I not?

Maybe no one will notice, maybe they’ll just walk by and won’t see it. I mean, I still have some good pieces left, I can get by…I’m ok….

….Is it prideful to think I’m ok? Or is it fear admitting that I’m not? Maybe it’s both? Who knows? Is it selfish to want to put myself back together? Am I doubting God just thinking He won’t be able to fix me? Or that He can’t feel what I’m feeling?...

I don’t think that’s it. I want God, but I want to be strong. I want Him to use me but I’m stuck, why can’t I move foreword? Why is it so hard for me to let go? Help me…my heart is broken, I can’t seem to fix it. I don’t want to be prideful, this pain is slowly tearing me down. What do I do? I need an answer.

Should I leave it in the past? should I stop thinking about it? I mean I try but it somehow always catches up to me. Show me! Show me what I should do, where I should go. Should I yell? Should I cry? Because I want to cry but I just can’t seem to do it on my own. I’m scared….

Am I alone in this? I, I, I, me, me, me…pride, selfish, fear…when is it going to end?

(God speaking)…I’m here, turn around….can’t you see ME? I’ve been here all the time. Look at ME, listen to what I have to say.

I need you to let ME completely break you so that I can start from scratch. I need you to let ME do my job. I know you’re hurting. It’s ok to be hurt; it’s ok to feel pain. I’m here, my arms are open…so cry, cry like you’ve never cried before…stop trying to put your broken heart back together again, because the more you try the smaller the pieces get. You’re hurting yourself even more. Can’t you see that when you hurt…I hurt. That your pain is my pain, your wounds are my wounds, your sadness is my sadness…

Remember, I will never leave you, but I need you to trust in Me. Set your fears aside and trust that I’ll put you back together. Stop trying to stick all those broken pieces together because it won’t work.

That happiness you say you have, that smile across your face…I want to make it real, more real than you can ever imagine. I want to take your fears away, your pride away. I want to hold you, hold you in my arms until you start to cry and when you are crying…I’m weeping. When you feel pain, I’m hurting. I will never ever let you go…together we will get through this, but I need you to let ME into your heart so we can start over. Let ME be your happiness, let ME be the one who puts a smile on your face. Let ME completely restore what has been taken from you. Don’t be afraid.

I ask this of you…don’t be afraid. Break yourself completely and lay everything on ME. I will take your burdens, I will rebuild what has been broken, I will renew your pieces and make them a whole again. You will be stronger than ever…better than you can possibly imagine. It’s ok to give up….it’s ok to give up….

Give ME the chance to do what I need to do to make your life completely new and set you free in such a way that you will never have to feel like that again. So don’t hold back, come with ME and walk forward in FREEDOM!!

REMEMBER, I LOVE YOU

READ: Isaiah 61:1-4

Leading Worship

Soooo…last week my two amazing friends Casey, Jessica, and I got the opportunity to lead worship for our DTS class. Super fun…then after…the head of the YWAM School of Worship asked us to lead base worship on Monday….with everyone from the whole base…yikes. Anywho…so we did…and it was the most fun I have had leading worship. It was such a blessing and I have never sang with such talented young ladies as these two. Such a blast. The Lord provides in many unique ways…LOVE IT.

The three of us getting to lead together....Jess, Casey and I

Look at little Kelsey in the corner worshiping it up

Jess on the keys

I ABSOLUTELY loved singing with them....they are the most talented girls and it's sooo much fun to be able to blend our voices so well with these ladies. Yea, for harmony!

Volcano

Photo trip to the volcano…I love these trips because we leave super early (actually not the best) but we all are in the van super tired but stoked for our trip…and tired with excited = the most amazingly funny conversations….a true joy!

Volcano

Jess...me making her be artsy

Las amigas in the countryside

Baptism

Last week we took a day trip to an amazing beach and there we did baptisms. Our speaker for the week was absolutely amazing for the week. He was such a solid guy and actually a really well known singer…Kenny Peavy. We had the most amazing worship time with him…a gifted man he is. He would literally prophesy to people during class….and he even prophesied over me….ask me about it…I’ll tell ya.

Mr. Kenny Peavy doing some major preaching right here in the middle.

La Paz Parque

These are some photos from our last photo DTS trip to La Paz Parque which is a natural park. It was sooo pretty and really fun to use our cameras!!!

AHHH....pure craziness!

How do I start explaining the last two weeks….absolute insanity. So much stuff and I might just have to wait to tell you all in person the in detail version. Last week the theme was “Plumb Line”…meaning that we confessed our past and gave our testimony and became free of a lot of strongholds in our lives. FREEDOM…wat wat! A lot of other crazy stuff happened but you’ll have to ask me personally about that stuff. It was a tiring but fruitful week and the Lord is movin’ and shakin’ down here in Costa Rica.

This week started out rough for me. I was struggling with some stuff and really seeking the Lord about some questions I had. And who knew the Lord would come back and basically confirm me right to my face. That’s never happened to me before. The man speaking this week is amazing (Kenny Peevy)…he doesn’t have anything planned for class but just waits and hears from the Holy Spirit on what he’s going to talk about. Most powerful classes/worship sessions ever. During class he basically just prophesies over people (meaning he gets a picture of people in his head, given by the Lord, and speaks that truth into their lives.) He did that yesterday to me and basically spoke about who exactly I am, my personality, my passions, my desires, my heart…and this dude had never met be before. The Lord confirmed a lot of my heart desires through that…ultimately I have to seek HIM…but he definitely spoke truth into my life. Last night, after class we had spontaneous worship…which means he basically plays any chords and makes up worship as we go. Then he had us all just singing what was on our hearts and creating our own songs along with his tune. Then we shared those melodies with each other and the group would sing along with our personal tune. Powerful…yea! Anywho…that just kind of explains a little about what the Lord is doing in my life. I have a lot to pray about and seek his perfect will…but God is definitely showing up. Keep me in your prayers!!